Divorce by the Book: What to Read if You’re Considering (or In The Throws of) Divorce

Dissolving a marriage or partnership is never easy: divorce and mediation are never stress-free. Many factors need to be considered, decisions need to be made and plans need to be mutually agreed upon. Your divorce lawyer is an integral part of ending your marriage, but there is a lot you can do on your own to plan for your divorce and make decisions about the future of your family.

Books, articles and support groups provide information, resources and assistance in helping you manage your divorce and consider issues that you aren’t yet aware of, or need more information on. There are many good resources available by parenting experts, therapists and psychologists, financial planners, and divorce and mediation lawyers that can help you navigate your own divorce.

Note: Vacca Family Law Group receives no affiliate or referral fees;
book summaries via Amazon

Onward & Upward: Guide for Getting Through New York Divorce & Family Law Issues
by Cari B. Rincker
Andrea Vacca, Contributing Author

Download Andrea’s chapter here

This comprehensive divorce and family law book offers the perspectives of attorneys and professionals on a myriad of family and matrimonial law topics, including issues regarding:

• Children
• Marital Dissolution
• Special Court Actions
• Contracts
• Estate Planning
• Dispute Resolution

The book’s authors include a parent coordinator, parenting coach, nutritionist, image consultant, mindfulness and lifestyle coach, personal trainer, credit repair professional, professional organizer, insurance professional, private investigator and real estate professional. This diverse approach adds invaluable depth and perspective to the reader.

Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other: Powerful Tools for Navigating a High-Conflict Divorce 
by Lauren J. Behrman and Jeffrey Zimmerman 

Hate your ex but love your kids? If so, this much-needed guide offers practical tips and strategies to help you manage intense emotions, deal with shame and blame, and create a peaceful, loving environment for your children.

Let’s face it—divorce is tough. In a high-conflict divorce, your ex may attempt to undermine your relationship with your children, blame you for the failed marriage, and be hostile toward you in general. Unfortunately, this negativity can affect your kids, too. You need to break the cycle of rage and conflict now, for their sake. This book can help.

Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other offers powerful skills based in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and values-based parenting to help you both take control of your emotions. You’ll get tools to help you identify cycles of conflict, as well as strategies for breaking these cycles before they get out of hand. You’ll also learn strategies to effectively communicate with one another and your children in a way that is healthy and productive.

If you’re going through a high-conflict divorce, you need real tools to help you manage the pain and anger that can follow. This book will show you the skills you need to go from ex to co-parent, and start rebuilding your—and your child’s—life.

Money & Divorce: The Essential Roadmap to Mastering Financial Decisions 
by Lili Vasileff  

Most people head straight into divorce without preparing themselves for the journey that lies ahead. Whether or not the divorce is of your choosing, you need the necessary guidance and useful information.

Financial planning for the future is an essential part of every divorce settlement. Separating couples often face a significant financial transformation. The bottom line is that two households must now survive on the dollars that formerly supported one. Transition is a critical time when you need the most help to understand the pros and cons of your financial options, how to set priorities, and when to reach a settlement with confidence.

Money and Divorce: The Essential Roadmap to Mastering Financial Decisions will help you make informed and intelligent choices concerning financial issues in divorce. The book explains the fundamentals—illustrating how to set goals, deal with finances, navigate the legal process, and protect against unforeseen events.

Two Homes, One Childhood: A Parenting Plan to Last a Lifetime 
by Robert E. Emery Ph.D. 

A paradigm-shifting model of parenting children in two homes from an internationally recognized expert.
A researcher, therapist, and mediator, Robert Emery, Ph.D., details a new approach to sharing custody with children in two homes. Huge numbers of children are affected by separation, divorce, cohabitation breakups, and childbearing outside of marriage. These children have two homes. But their parents have only one chance to protect their childhood. Building on his 2004 book The Truth About Children and Divorce and a strong evidence base, including his own research, Emery explains that a parenting plan that lasts a lifetime is one that grows and changes along with children’s—and families’—developing needs. Parents can and should work together to renegotiate schedules to best meet the changing needs of children from infancy through young adult life. Divided into chapters that address the specific needs of children as they grow up, Emery:

• Introduces his Hierarchy of Children’s Needs in Divorce
• Provides specific advice for successful parenting, starting with infancy and reaching into emerging adulthood
• Advocates for joint custody but notes that children do not count minutes and neither should parents
• Highlights that there is only one “side” for parents to take in divorce: the children’s side

Himself the father of five children, one from his first marriage, Emery brings a rare combination of personal and professional insight and guidance for every parent raising a child in two homes.

The Complete Guide for Men & Women Divorcing 
by Melvin Belli & Mel Krantzler

Mel Krantzler, Ph.D., America’s foremost divorce psychologist, offers uplifting advice to bring you through the emotional turmoil of divorce and let you use it as an opportunity for personal growth. His techniques for dealing with stress, coping with estrangement from spouse and children, and forming new relationships have brought Dr. Krantzler’s many clients to new levels of confidence and self-esteem.

Melvin M. Belli, Sr., the renowned trial attorney, gives you the same counsel his famous clients pay thousands of dollars for: How to choose the right lawyer, protect your finances, obtain the best conditions for custody and visitation, and keep your new relationships from adversely affecting child custody and support.

Divorce Without Court: A Guide to Mediation & Collaborative Divorce
by Katherine Stoner

Get essential information on how to end a marriage fairly and inexpensively, using divorce mediation or collaborative divorce. Encouraging and straightforward, Divorce Without Court guides you through a negotiated divorce, explaining how to:

• maximize opportunities for settlement
• get an agreement in writing
• find and work with lawyers and other advisors

Includes useful checklists and worksheets.

Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After 
by Katherine Woodward Thomas

We enter our romantic relationships with great love, hope, and excitement–we’ve found the ‘one’, so we plan and forge our futures together. But sometimes, for many different reasons, relationships come undone; they don’t work out. Commonly, we view this as a personal failure, rather than an opportunity. And instead of honoring what we once meant to each other, we hoard bitterness and anger, stewing in shame and resentment. Sometimes even lashing out in destructive and hurtful ways, despite the fact that we’re good people at heart. That’s natural: we’re almost biologically primed to respond this way.

Yet there is another path to the end of a relationship–one filled with mutual respect, kindness, and deep caring. Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of Calling in “The One” and creator of the groundbreaking method, Conscious Uncoupling, provides the valuable skills and tools for you to travel this challenging terrain with these five thoughtful and thought-provoking steps:

Step 1: Find Emotional Freedom

Step 2: Reclaim Your Power and Your Life

Step 3: Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart

Step 4: Become a Love Alchemist

Step 5: Create Your Happy Even After Life

For more books and resources on divorce and family law, see Vacca Family Law Group: Books and Resources

Contact us if you’d like to discuss the decisions you need to make around your divorce. 

Vacca Family Law Group
One Grand Central Place
60 E 42nd St #764
New York, NY 10165
avacca@vaccalaw.com