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How to Support Your Friends Through Divorce Without Taking Sides
Supporting a friend through a divorce can be challenging, especially when your friends with both spouses. Whether you’re helping a friend navigate their divorce or considering divorce yourself, there are ways to preserve relationships and move forward with dignity.
If you are friends with both spouses who are divorcing, you may feel the need to take sides or figure out who was at fault. In a recent episode of A Better Divorce Podcast, Dr. Ann Gold Buscho, a licensed clinical psychologist who focuses on divorce and parenting, explained that this reaction is common, but it rarely helps. Instead of trying to fix the situation or protect one person, the most helpful thing you can do is be steady and kind.
Listen without judgment. Respect their privacy. Invite your friend to spend time with you, even if it is just for a walk or coffee. If you are not sure what they need, ask. Small gestures can mean a lot.
What to Avoid When Supporting Friends During Their Divorce
Friends often want to protect or defend someone during a divorce, but that can sometimes make things worse. Sharing your opinions about what happened in the marriage, criticizing the other spouse, or sending group emails with personal details about the breakup can add more stress and tension to your friend’s already difficult situation. Even when your intentions are good, trying to take charge or give advice can do more harm than help.
RELATED: Attention Friends and Family: This Is Not Your Divorce!
Avoid saying things like “you’ll find someone better” or “I never liked them anyway.” Comments like these may be meant to offer comfort, but they can come across as uncaring or judgmental. Focus on being supportive, not on offering solutions.
A Real-Life Example of a Collaborative Divorce That Preserved Friendships
Andrea Vacca shared a story about a former client who divorced through the Collaborative Divorce process. The couple had been married for many years and shared adult children. Although the divorce was unexpected and painful, they chose to approach it with respect and cooperation.
Two years later, they continue to celebrate holidays as a family with their adult children. When the ex-husband needed support during cancer treatment, his former spouse was there. Later, he returned the kindness by helping with her home renovation. What resonated most, however, was the fact that their friends said: Thank you for not putting us in the middle of your divorce and asking us to choose sides. Because of the collaborative approach they took in their divorce, this couple not only preserved their personal relationship and their co-parenting relationship, but also their friendships.
How to Preserve Relationships and Stay Connected During Divorce
Divorce does not have to mean dividing your entire world. When handled thoughtfully, it is possible to preserve friendships, support your children, and move forward without isolating the people around you.
If you’re supporting a friend through divorce, the most valuable thing you can do is help them stay grounded and remind that that respectful, non-adversarial options exist.
And if you are the one going through a divorce, know that there’s a way forward that doesn’t require burning bridges or forcing friends to choose sides.
At Vacca Family Law Group, we help clients move through divorce with integrity, preserving relationships and dignity along the way. Through non-adversarial divorce processes like Collaborative Divorce and Mediation, we support people who want a different kind of divorce—one that aligns with their long-term goals.
Contact us today for your free introductory call. We’re here to guide you through this transition with care, ensuring it’s as smooth and manageable as possible for you and your loved ones.
Vacca Family Law Group is located at One Grand Central Place, 60 E. 42nd St., Suite 700, New York, NY 10165.Bottom of Form
